53. The Truth About Self-Love
You may have heard that self-love and self-care is all about pampering yourself with spa days, indulging in retail therapy or going out with your girlfriends for a night out. While these activities can be enjoyable and may help you feel good in the moment, they barely scratch the surface of what self-love truly entails.
Self-love is not just about treating yourself with material pleasures; it’s about cultivating a deeper sense of compassion, empathy, and understanding towards yourself and your body. It’s about acknowledging your worth and taking care of yourself in a holistic manner.
The journey of self-love can be a challenging one. It requires self-reflection and an understanding of what truly matters to you. It also entails being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and learning to appreciate and embrace your flaws.
Self-love involves setting healthy boundaries for yourself and those around you. Ultimately, it is a process of growth and self-discovery. It’s about learning to love and accept yourself fully, and to treat yourself with the kindness and care that you deserve.
So join us on this episode as we explore the deeper truth behind self-love, and why it’s more than just a superficial concept. We hope to inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-love, and to cultivate a greater sense of compassion and understanding towards yourself and your body.
MINDFUL ACTION & WEEKLY MANTRA: I am worthy of love. Real love. In it’s purest natural form.
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MINDFULNESS SUCCESS STUDIO: www.bethbackes.com/studio
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SELF-LOVE PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION
Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I became the queen of self-care. HaHaHa. Oh, that was fun. It is episode 53 of Mindful Actions, and I am so excited to talk about something very near and dear to my heart: the true meaning behind self-love and self-care. Spoiler alert, it does not involve spa days, girls nights, and shopping sprees. Although I do like all those things. Go grab some coffee, tea, or water, and let’s chat.
-INTRO-
Never in a million years would I have predicted I’d start out a podcast episode that way, but it is 2023, and thanks to a whole lot of self-love and self-care, here we are. I am now confident enough to put that on the internet.
So, here we go. Why do I identify as the queen of self-care? Well, to be completely honest, I really, really don’t like the term self-care. I’m more of an expert in self-love, but self-care is a portion of self-love, kinda just fit better with the song. Self-care, Bel-air, ya know. We’re working on rhyming with my 5 year old. HaHa.
So here’s the scoop. Self-love encompasses the whole you. Self-love deals more with your state of mind, your mindset, how you treat yourself on a daily basis, and how much you believe in yourself and trust yourself to do the right thing to live your life. That’s why I’m so passionate about it. When you live a life full of self-love, it opens so many more doors for you.
It builds self-confidence in a healthy way. It doesn’t focus on the ego, it focuses on compassion, understanding, and empathy towards yourself. And when you feel that way about yourself, you also treat others in the same manner. So as a result, you’re just radiating light and people want to be around you more. It’s a win-win for yourself and others. So no, it’s not selfish or egotistical, when done the proper way.
So here are a couple of examples of how self-love has completely changed the way I view myself and the way I live my life. And what I want you to focus on here with my stories is the concept of adapting things and making them work better for you and your mindset. And also keep in mind, that your viewpoint and opinion of things can change over time. Loving yourself is not just constant positivity and praise. It can also be just reevaluating things that no longer make you happy to find a better way.
Beth’s self-love realization #1: Taking care of your body is a form of self-love. Yeah yeah, we all know that you should take care of yourself. But it’s not that simple. So first of all, I am very very anti-diet culture now. Full-disclosure, this only happened to me in the past 2 years. If you’ve been following me for a long time on social media, you would have seen me promoting nutritional shakes and workouts a few years ago. But since then, using mindfulness and meditation has completely reframed my brain around how we treat our bodies. What I realized, and so many of us struggle with, is that taking care of your body and treating your body well looks different for everybody. We all thrive, and heal, and are triggered by different things. Some people need to workout. Working out is their escape. Running 5 miles is how they clear their head. And other people, want to vomit at the thought of running. So if you are not a runner, but somebody tells you you need to run to be a healthier person, and you force yourself to do it against your own will. How healthy is that really making you? Or on the flip side, you are a runner, and somebody tells you that relax and do yoga to clear your head, and you force yourself to do yoga while your mind is screaming at you the whole time that this is awful, again. Perspective. You’re sacrificing your mental state, for something that makes somebody else happy. I actually talk about this topic more in-depth in episode 14 if you want to go back and listen to it.
But the same thing goes for food and nutrition. What nourishes and energizes one persons body may affect another persons body completely differently. So what I mean by taking care of your body is that you need to be in tune with how things affect you and your own body. Practice mindfulness surrounding daily movement and how your body feels. And practice mindful eating to understand how different foods affect you. Not only is that better for your mindset and your mental health, but guess what, by better understanding how your body works, you can more effectively relay that information to others in your family or friends, or to doctors when you have a concern. The more confidence you are in making decisions about yourself the better off you’ll be. So yeah, taking care of your body is a form of self-love, but it is an intimate, individual experience. Don’t let anybody else try to dictate how you treat your own body when you know what’s best for you. But first you have to do the hard work of learning about you.
Alright, Beth’s self-love realization #2: wanting to look a certain way is not shallow.
So over the years, I have become much more consumer-conscious of my shopping habits and my impact on the world. I prefer to support ethically made clothing and vegan, cruelty, and plastic-free make-up and toiletries. Over time, especially with the pandemic and now working from home, my wardrobe and really, my desire to look a certain way, basically just depleted. I had convinced myself that not caring about what I looked like was a better form of self-love because I was embracing my natural self. And while that’s totally true on some level, it can also be very not true.
Recently, I realized that because I’ve been posting videos daily on social media and am now recording videos for YouTube, plus I have a lot more in-person meetings, I found myself getting excited for the days where I had to get dressed up and do the whole she-bang of hair and makeup. I felt more put-together. I felt like my life was more in order on those days. But, on the flip side, I am also much more comfortable with who I am in my natural state, so you will find me going out in public, or posting some videos in sweat pants without doing my hair and make-up now. That was not the case 5 or 6 years ago. I would not have been caught dead without foundation and eye liner in public before. So, my message for you here is a big chunk of self-love is being comfortable with who you are on multiple levels. It’s not shallow to care about how you look if that’s what makes you feel like your best self. It’s about finding a balance between how you feel about yourself when you’re just chillin at home and how you feel about yourself when you’re surrounded by others.
Here’s another kinda fun way to think about this. I saw this meme somewhere a long time ago and I have to admit that I think about it regularly. If you were to die right now, the clothes you’re wearing would be your forever ghost outfit. HaHa. You would be spending eternity in those clothes. Think about that for a second. Another way to look at that would be, if you were to run into someone you admire, or an ex, or your boss right now, would you walk away feeling conscious and ashamed? Now, this by no means, is to persuade you to look or dress differently. It’s the exact opposite. It’s encompassing the tagline of this podcast. Act with intention, live with purpose. Everything you do should embody who you really are down to your core. I am not embarrassed anymore, like I used to be, when I see my old boss, or my gynecologist at the grocery store in my sweats. Man, as someone who lives in a small college town, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve run into my gynecologist at the grocery store. HaHaHa. But the bottom line is, self-love is about making sure that whatever you do, you learn to be confident doing so. So you bet I still wear my favorite sweats when I go out and about, but I’ve altered the style a bit to make sure I feel good in what I’m wearing, no matter who I run into. It’s not about how you think others perceive you. It’s about how you see you. If you don’t want to be caught being this version of you, it’s time to make some changes.
And so, with that, I want to make sure that you know that it’s ok to want to change the way that you look because it would make you happier. I want you to understand that it’s ok if you know that you would feel better about yourself if you lost a little bit of weight, or wore different clothes, or changed your hair. while I am still against diet culture, I’m also against toxic body-positivity and making someone feeling shame for not loving themselves the way that they are. Sometimes when you’ve gone through something, you’re going to look different, and you know deep down that it’s not the real you, you’re just having trouble getting back to that person based off the trauma and the healing that you’re experiencing. Self-love isn’t about giving up and forcing yourself to love every part of you and pretending that you think everything you do is awesome. It goes so much deeper than that.
Self-love is a process of learning to love who you are. And sometimes, to make that happen, a change is needed. Sometimes self-love requires you to get real with yourself and identify the pieces of you that you don’t like, and changing it so that you know you’re living up to your fullest potential. And if you know that you are not currently able to love every part of you. That’s ok. There is no shame in that. It’s an ongoing process.
I mean, really, that’s why we’re all here listening to this podcast, right? We are creating a mindfulness practice to make us better at being who we are. Self-love isn’t just about loving yourself. It’s about finding who you are.
So here is your mindful action and your mantra for this week. I really want you to let it sink in and let it lead your heart this week. Repeat to yourself whenever it is needed: I am worthy of love. Real love. In its purest natural form. I am worthy of love. Real love. In it’s purest natural natural form.
How I want you to connect this to your self-love journey is to simply acknowledge this week when you’re out of alignment. Notice when you’re doing something that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. And ask yourself why. Start to pay attention to if its something you actually don’t like about yourself, or if it’s external factor that you don’t like how it affects you. Start to learn the difference between your own internal feelings about yourself, and the way something else makes you feel.
Ok, this ended up being a little bit longer of a discussion than normal, but as the self-proclaimed, self-love queen, I have a lot to say about this topic. And now it’s time, to do a feel-good meditation, to set you up for a great week of self-awareness.
MEDITATION SCRIPT FOR FEELING WORTHY OF LOVE
Find a comfortable position, whether that be sitting or lying down, and gently close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in, and release it slowly. Take a deep breath in, and let your exhales be slower and longer than your inhales. Start to notice the rhythm of your breath.
Feel the air fill your lungs and the warmth of your body with each inhalation.
Allow yourself to relax and let go of any tension or stress you may be holding onto. And remember this: I am worthy of love. Real love. In it’s purest form.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
As you hold onto this feeling of presence, allow yourself to let go of any negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are, and you are capable of achieving all that you desire.
Trust in yourself and your abilities, and know that everything will work out for your highest good. I am worthy of love. Real love. In it’s purest natural.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Now, bring your awareness and your attention to your heart center. Put your right hand over your heart if you’d like.
Think of the parts of you that inspire you to be who you are. Stay here for as long as you need, allowing the warmth of your love to nurture and support you.
I am worthy of love. Real love. In it’s purest natural.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
