46. What is Fear-Based Motivation: How to Grow Through It
Let’s talk about how to overcome fear-based motivation and embrace growth on your own terms. I get real in this episode sharing mindfulness wisdom and realities of how to identify and overcome limiting beliefs and how to tune into your self-awareness to pursue your passions and live a fulfilling life. Comparison and influencer-marketing can be harsh! Learn how to see past the garbage online and be true to yourself. Through personal stories and practical advice, you’ll learn how to quiet the external elements clouding your judgement and overcome the fear that holds you back. This episode will provide you with the tools and inspiration you need to take action and make it happen. Tune in now!
Weekly Mindful Action: Notice when you’re being presented with fear-based motivation and how it makes you feel. Then reframe the statement to better align with your life.
Episode mentions: instagram.com/journal.journey.uk
TRANSCRIPT
INTRO: There’s this concept out there that, in essence, is supposed to be motivational, but in reality, it does the exact opposite. It’s the statement of, if I can do it, you can do it. Let’s talk about this harmful mentality and break down how to think differently, so you don’t get stuck feeling like you are’t enough. Because you are. You ARE enough.
Fear-Based Motivation
Let’s start off by reflecting on some of those social media posts we’ve been seeing in our feed lately.
He girly! If I can cut out sugar and eat 1,000 calories a day, you can do too. It’s all in your mindset. Are you in, or are you out?
Oooh, this blatant abuse of the concept of “positive mindset”, really grinds my gears. And this has been bothering me a lot lately, especially in the new year with all the self-improvement ads and influencers.
Here’s another one.
“Hey, working woman. Do you know your worth? If I can go up to my boss and demand a raise, you can do it too. As a female you need to own your power and get things done!”
In response to that, I just want to say…. NO! Stop it! Just stop it.
This is a type of fear-based motivation. If she can do it, you may not be able to do it! And there is nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you not being able to do, or not even wanting to do, something that someone else is doing. We all have our own set of skills, interests, barriers, and support systems allowing us to live differently. We all live differently. You know your situation the best.
If you know that marching into your bosses office and demanding a raise will get you fired or bumped off a good project, please, do not do it. You can own your power in a different way. A way that’s more comfortable for you. You are not a failure as a woman, or in the feminist movement, if you don’t go demand that raise!
Take that weight off your shoulders. In fact, take ALL the unnecessary weight off your shoulders that you’ve been holding on to for too long. The unmet resolutions and goals from the past. Those what if thoughts creeping into your mind of, oh if I’d just done this and this differently life would be better. Take that metaphorical weight off your shoulders and throw it out the winder.
Just because some person online, who has no idea what your life is like, does something. doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps. They’re not creating healthy motivation for you, they’re creating fear of failure in you. Those statements of if I can do this, you can too leave you believing you’re inadequate, and like you need to be better. But that’s not up for them to decide.
They’re basically making you think that if they can do it, they are better than you Do not let them manipulate you into thinking you want what they have. Because that’s not necessarily the case.
Here is a mindfulness tactic to use when you see, or hear, these fear-inducing phrases, these bullying aspects of motivation. If what you hear sparks your interest and you think, oooh, I want that! Instead of trying to mimic what they’re doing, I want you to ask yourself, do I really want THAT, or do I just want to have that feeling of success, like they do? Ask yourself, do I want what they have, or am I just looking for something different in my own life?
Do I really want to lose 20 pounds by starving myself, or do I want to feel better about myself in general? Do I really need that raise, or do I want to feel more fulfilled and appreciated at work? Do I want that giagantic spotless house, or do I want to have a nice, comfortabe, safe place I can come home to? You get to decide what you want and where you want to put your time, energy, and invaluable mental health.
That is what your mindset should be focused around! It should be focused on your own wants and needs out of life, not the products or lifestyle someone is getting paid to sell you online. And believe me, I work in marketing. I know how that influencer marketing is changing the way we think about things.
Oh my gosh, Actually, saying that just reminded me of a horrible influencer-marketing experience I had this past week. I can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots on this until just now. So I had a 1:1 call with brand I was excited to learn from. They seemed really legit.
We went through an hour-long zoom call, I was feeling really great about things, like they could take my business to the next level. and at the end of the call they were like, oh by the way this program costs X amount of dollars. And I’m not even going to tell you the price, but it was astronomical, and THEN they said I needed to pay in full in the next 5 minutes before we get off the call. My jaw dropped. This business gave me all of the “if we can do this, you can do this” spiel, but you only if you pay us 5 months worth of paychecks in the next 5 minutes.
Obviously I told them no. And in response, they made me feel like a horrible person for declining their offer. They made me second guess everything about me, and this podcast, and my ability to share mindfulness and meditation with the world. They made me feel like a failure because I couldn’t afford to pay them. And by giving me that ultimatum, it’s 100% they couldn’t care less about me as a person. They took fear-motivation to the next level on me.
The second I realized that, I’d never more confidently said no to someone in my entire life. And what angered me the most about this was that they do this every day. They prey on small business owners like me by painting this beautiful picture of what life could be by working with them.
So I paused. I took a moment to regroup. And with them sitting there staring at me on Zoom, I practiced that mindfulness tactic I mentioned earlier. I asked myself, do I want to pay them to create this supposed cushy life for me, or do I want to believe in myself that I have what it takes to do this on my own? And it came down to, I do not want that life if it means maxing out my credit cards and taking my happiness away by going into debt just to pay them.
Now, this was a little bit of an extreme example for you. I think it’s just so funny that that happened to me this week when this was what I was planning on talking about on the podcast. The universe, man, it knows what to show us when the time is right!
We deal with this type of fear-motivation all the time whether we realize it or not. And I do want to follow that story up with saying, if there’s something you really want. Do your research. Learn if it’s the best thing for you. After that call, I immediately went online and did what my market research skills taught me and found out how shady this business really is. Most of the businesses listed on their website that they’ve worked with, were not impressive and were not ones that I would want to be associated with if they put my name on that page.
Well, back to the topic at hand. What we really should be saying is not “if she can do this, I can do this“, but rather, “if they can find success, I can find success too. In my own way”. Because I believe, deep in my core, that you have what it takes inside of you. if something is important enough to you, you will set your mind to it and you will be able to do it in a way that is best for you with the resources that you have.
I believe that it’s ok to get ideas on what you want to accomplish in life from others. Or learn from someone, as an example, but make the decision to do it on your own terms. Don’t be sucked into believing that you HAVE to do it a certain way. Your situation is different than theirs. This is your life. Not theirs.
Now, that brings us to our mindful action for this week. For those of you who are new here, hi welcome! at the end of our discussion, I leave you with one mindfulness strategy to practice throughout the week. And in most cases, it’s just a simple thing that you can shift in your mind to try and possibly give you a different outcome.
The mindful action is to notice when you’re being presented with fear-based motivation, and how it makes you feel. And don’t forget to reframe the question in your mind. Do you want that, or is there a different gap in your life you’re trying to fill? And these scenarios can show up in many ways. Sometimes on social media, at work from a colleague, at home from a family member, or in ads or commercials.
With that, I invite you to practice mindfulness and meditation with me this week, and get one step closer to understanding what drives and motivates you in your life.
Before we head into the meditation, I do want to share a quick note about meditation. Another mindset teacher on Instagram, who I will tag in the show notes, commented on one of my posts that they were excited to listen to my podcast on their morning walk. And so I wanted to remind you that there are many different types of meditation. And a walking meditation is one of them.
So, no, you don’t have to be sitting still for every meditation. If what you need is a chance to disconnect, while on your morning walk, so be it. Just make sure during the meditation portion, that you are taking the opportunity to breathe fresh air in deeply, and are observing the world around you with each step.
Ok, let’s meditate.
Meditation for Opening Yourself Up To Self-Awareness
Psychologist, Tasha Eurich, describes self-awareness as “the ability to see ourselves clearly — to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world around us.
Self-awareness means we are simply observing how our mind works. and we are using the present moment to focus only on ourselves, without thinking, without judging, without worrying.
Let’s breathe into this moment, and leave everything else behind. This moment, right here, is all that matters.
We’re going to try something different today with our breath. We are going to do a type of diaphragmatic breathing, or belly breathing. In a moment, you are going to take in a deep inhale. Then pause. Then inhale a little bit more. Then pause. Then a little bit more. Then a huge sigh exhaling everything.
This type of breathing is challenging you to focus on a singular breath for as long as possible before letting it go. By holding your breath, and taking in more oxygen than you even thought possible, you are focusing in the present moment. You are here. right now. Breathing with me. And what a joyous moment it is!
Let’s start this breathing exercise.
Take a deep inhale in through your nose. Pause. Inhale more. Pause. Inhale more. Pause. And release.
Take a few small breaths on your own to get back to normal.
Let’s try it again. Take a deep inhale in through your nose. Pause. Inhale more. Pause. Inhale more. Pause. And release.
Take a few small breaths on your own to get back to normal.
Were you able to focus only your breath and your body during the breathing exercise? How did it feel to focus on one thing?
Self-awareness in this present moment. Continue to focus on your breath. Just observing yourself, in your mind and your body, here in this moment.
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How does it feel to be in this meditation today? In this moment?
Take a few more minutes to be present with the breath. Breathe in. Breathe out.
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Allow yourself to gently come out of the the meditation in the next few moments. Opening your eyes, or refocusing your gaze. Beginning small movements in your body. Being aware of your surroundings.
If you’re motivated to do so, I encourage you to go journal out some thoughts from this meditation. Jot down how you felt before the meditation, during the meditation, and afterwards. What types of things went through your mind? How did it feel to be more self-aware?
As always, I enjoyed our time together this week. Thank you for joining me. Sending you peace, love, and Öm. Namaste.
